Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is caused by a life-threatening singular event. But what happens when you live in fear day in and day out for months or even years while experiencing domestic violence? Dealing with abuse in a relationship can lead to complex trauma, also known as C-PTSD.
Does domestic violence always cause PTSD? No, not necessarily. However, a percentage of people who experience abuse through relationships will develop PTSD or even C-PTSD. Domestic abuse trauma may cause PTSD or impact survivors in different ways including (but not limited to): depression, suicidal ideation, substance abuse disorders, and panic attacks. While no one will escape the trauma of abuse unscathed, the body and mind’s response varies from person to person.
If you or someone you know has been involved in a harmful relationship or you’re noticing red flags, it’s important to know that domestic violence/abuse comes in several different forms. Abuse does not always involve physical bruises.
Abuse can look like:
- Financial abuse – Restricting access to money and credit, placing victims at economic disadvantages, and keeping the state of finances and bills hidden to maintain control.
- Emotional Abuse – Undermining a person’s self-worth or self-esteem through name-calling, criticism, and gaslighting. This can also include withholding intimacy, physical touch (hugs), or support to inflict harm or retribution.
- Psychological Abuse – Threatening harm and using intimidation, destruction of property, or threatening pets and family. It can also include isolation and mind games.
- Sexual Abuse – Coercing or forcing any sexual touch or behavior without consent. Marriage does not automatically grant consent.
- Physical Abuse – Hitting, slapping, pushing, shoving, or causing physical harm. Physical abuse can also include denying medical care or forcing substance use.
- Technological Abuse – Tracking, harassing, manipulating, extorting, monitoring, or stalking using digital technologies.
It’s important to note that abuse many times is extremely well hidden and the abuser will claim that it was an accident, or that the victim is exaggerating the damage to get them in trouble. Abuse is abuse and the abusers should have no say in the level of damage that they believe they did or did not cause.
C-PTSD or PTSD and Domestic Violence
While not everyone will develop PTSD or CPTSD following domestic violence, it’s important to note that the chances of developing it go up drastically for those without support. People who have family and friends who react quickly to get them away from harm and offer safety, often escape with less long-term harm.
Signs and symptoms that someone might be experiencing PTSD or CPTSD following domestic violence might include:
- Experiencing traumatic events over again through flashbacks, nightmares, thoughts you can’t control, emotions, and physical symptoms.
- Avoidance of things that remind you of past trauma. This might include places and people or sights and sounds which might trigger a response.
- Experiencing symptoms such as trouble sleeping, constantly staying on guard, agitation, trouble staying focused, or engaging in risky behavior.
Seeking Treatment Following Domestic Abuse
If you have experienced domestic abuse or dating violence, it’s important to seek treatment even if you do not feel you have PTSD or CPTSD.
Abuse isolates people, which means that those experiencing domestic abuse are at a greater risk of developing mental health issues following abuse due to the survivor’s inability to quickly get support and safety. Seeking immediate treatment through a counselor or therapist trained in trauma and abuse can be key to quickly taking steps toward healing. Other options also include support groups and survivor networks.
Because domestic violence is often hidden deep within emotional and psychological abuse tactics, seeking treatment will also help root out lies of worthlessness and hopelessness that could lead to depression and anxiety in the future.
If You Do Have C-PTSD from Domestic Violence
Safety is key. Survivors of domestic violence who are struggling with the effects of C-PTSD need to feel safe while rebuilding a supportive community.
If you have Complex Trauma, C-PTSD, from domestic violence:
- Set strong safety boundaries – Keep phone numbers and email addresses private, use alternative phone numbers, share your location with a safe friend, and consider purchasing security cameras.
- Remove people from your life who do not take the abuse seriously or enable toxic and abusive behavior.
- Converse with your abuser only if necessary. If you have children together, learn gray rock communication techniques.
- Document everything.
- You might require extra rest, especially for the first few months after leaving. Your body is tired from being in a constant state of trauma response. It’s good for you to rest and is not a sign of laziness.
- Learn how to ask for help.
- With time and through therapy, speak out about what has happened to you. It is not blaming or slander, it’s an important part of healing.
- Find a support team. This might be 3-4 people who are willing to take phone calls in the middle of the night or can easily drop things to show up when you need them.
- Recognize it’s not your fault and work towards letting go of any shame or feelings of worthlessness that you still carry.
- Go to therapy.
- Learn to love yourself.
If someone you love or support has C-PTSD from domestic violence:
- Give them a safe place to land.
- Recognize that sometimes fear will show up when it doesn’t make sense. Help them feel safe even if it doesn’t make sense to you.
- Triggers happen and can be based on anything, including your actions that you see as helpful. First, help them calm down and reach a feeling of safety again, and then have an open conversation about what happened and why.
- Listen. People who have gone through trauma repeat the same stories over and over again as they work through the harm.
- Help reduce the stress in other areas of their lives. Mow their yard, take them to dinner, show up with a treat, install security cameras at their home, or offer to drop kids off at school for them to rest.
- Speak out against the lies they hear in their head. They’ve probably been told they’re worthless. Let them know why they’re worthy.
- Love them unconditionally and believe them.
Domestic violence is serious. We must recognize that not all abuse comes with bruises but some do severe long-term damage to mental health. Those suffering from C-PTSD following domestic abuse should be honored and helped as much as possible, in the same way that we would help those with broken bodies.