How can you minister to someone dealing with trauma?
To minister to someone dealing with trauma recovery, you need to stand with them continuously and safely. The word of God says that God’s name is a strong tower, and the mighty run to it, and they are safe (Proverbs 18:10).
The first step to ministering to someone dealing with CPTSD is to be safe for them. Their lives are filled with terror and fear in a way that you cannot understand. Become a safe person who they can trust with their darkest fears. This task is not easy, and walking away from them three months or six months into it because it’s too hard will only send a message to them that validates their worthlessness.
You may hear horrible and unsettling stories, or you may be called to walk through some scary times with them. Stay with them just as God is with them. Be the tangible servant of God they can see and know is there, just as they need to know that God has not left them.
Just as God never leaves us, they need a safe person to tell them, “I’m not leaving; no matter what you say or what time you call me for help, I’m here.”
The next thing you need to minister to someone dealing with Complex Trauma is understanding free will. If a survivor was sexually abused, it is not their fault, and it is not their sin. They did not choose to be sexually abused. The sin belongs to the person that hurt them. God didn’t step in and stop the abuse because then the sinful person wouldn’t have free will. God was there. God saw it all. But God didn’t rejoice.
Psalm 147:3 says that God heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. When Jesus heard that Lazarus had died, He wept. God doesn’t rejoice over sin or heartbreak. Survivors need to know that God is not punishing them, that this was not His choice but the choice of a sinful person, and that God is grieving with them. God still stands with them and loves them deeply, even in their brokenness.
To minister to someone in complex trauma recovery, listen to your words. Is God our Father? Yes. But someone who is dealing with new memories of their earthly father abusing them will associate the word father with pain and hurt. One pastor stood at the pulpit and said he was thankful that his dad whooped him with the belt because it helped him become who he is. He said it while laughing, and while many might agree with that sentiment, a child who was physically abused and is now struggling with those memories as an adult might feel like what they went through wasn’t that bad because a pastor can joke about it from the pulpit.
Pastors cannot watch every word and pepper them gracefully to appease all. But if you know that someone in your church or group is dealing with traumatic memories, watch your words if possible.
One of the hardest things about ministering to someone dealing with trauma might be that you need to go at their own pace. Healing is hard, and it takes a long time.
On a personal note, two women have walked with me, and they are why I still have my faith today when I struggled with it so greatly for over two years. The first woman never talked to me about God unless I brought it up, and then her words would be slow and seasoned with grace. In most of our meetings for the first eight months, we would talk about random topics, even though she knew my pain and that I was struggling with my faith. She stood with me until I was ready to speak.
The second woman and I met weekly for over a year before she asked if she could pray for me. She let me speak the hard truth about how I felt about God, and she would lovingly speak the truth to me but never forcefully. Both women let me go my own pace but stood with me. Let the survivor go at their own pace. Pray for them privately. Stand in the gap for them until they are strong enough to stand for themselves. Raise their arms and hold them up when weak, but don’t force them to go at your speed or be on your timeline.
Finally, to minister to someone struggling with Complex Trauma, use truth. The Bible contains truth that cannot fall. The survivor doesn’t always have to agree with you; you shouldn’t push, but let them know the truth. If they tell you they were made to be destroyed, tell them how God created them to live a life for Him. If the survivor says that they are a whore, tell them what God says about them. Don’t preach; just lovingly remind.
Somedays, walking with those coming out of abuse and other traumatic events will simply mean grieving with them. Joy comes in the morning, but morning only comes for survivors after a very long road full of anger, grief, and pain.