I need help, I’m suffering in ways that I didn’t think were possible and it seems that God is against me. Why won’t the church help me?
“The church is not equipped to deal with mental illness.”
Please, I feel so alone.
“Do you have a therapist? They should be able to help you.”
But you’re the church, the community and family that Christ tells us to turn to in times of need, where are you?
“All are welcome here but the church isn’t equipped to deal with mental illness.”
I thought the church was the hospital for the sick in the faith. If they reject me, maybe it means I’m too much for God. Maybe this is God’s way of telling me that I am worthless.
The church isn’t equipped to deal with mental illness. That phrase has become the cornerstone for churches across the country. Time and time again in the two years I’ve been dealing with the catastrophic effects of Complex Trauma on my life I’ve heard that phrase. A pastor at our old church said it to me. People on social media have said it countless times in response to my questions about why the church has pushed me away. I’ve read it in articles and heard it come from people at different levels in different denominations. That one phrase has permeated the church landscape and become a weak excuse for turning people away when they are suffering and cripples those who are dealing with shame and worthlessness that is not their fault, like those dealing with Complex Trauma.
Complex Trauma is defined as multiple exposures, or long-term exposure, to profound interpersonal and invasive events that leave long lasting effects. To put it in simpler terms, Complex Trauma usually stems from long term abuse of a child that changes the way they operate and function for the rest of their lives. We hear about a child in our neighborhood or community being rescued from an abusive situation and we think, “that’s so sad, I’m so happy for them that they are out of that now.” But a child that was raised in an abusive situation or an older person who has gone through years of abuse will not be rescued and done. The effects of someone else’s sin on their lives will follow and impact them for the rest of their lives. Complex Trauma is not a mental illness. It is also not a sin and the people dealing with the effects of Complex Trauma are not dealing with the consequences of their own sin.
Complex Trauma is not a mental illness. Can Complex Trauma cause mental illness? Yes, it can contribute to mental illnesses. Complex Trauma effects mental health. It effects mental health in the same way that grief or a hard divorce effects mental health and yet the church is there for people dealing with those issues. There are massive amounts of ministries for grief recovery and divorce care. But Complex Trauma is uglier than grief or divorce care and the effects of it are often more profound. It seems the American church has formed a line in which they have determined who is worthy of care and who is not based on how messy it might get.
Complex Trauma often involves:
- Suicidal Ideation
- Self Harm
- Nightmares and Flashbacks
- What others see as “irrational behaviors”
- Loss of faith
The effects that someone else causes to those struggling with Complex Trauma are extreme and are many times not known for years until it is triggered by other life events. The person who went through years of abuse is often many times able to set up a “normal” life and is seen as a “normal” church member until something triggers the memories and flashbacks and everything falls apart. And in that time, when they are struggling with life to the point of questioning it and not understanding why God, if there really is a God, would bring them to this point, the church walks away. The church walks away because “the church is not equipped to deal with mental illness“.
People suffering with Complex Trauma see friends and loved ones getting care from the church when they are dealing with physical illness or going through simpler mental health issues. But then in the time when they are questioning how God could let a child go through what they experienced, they are told by friends that it’s too much. Their pastors tell them to go on to a therapist and all care within the church slowly quiets until it’s nonexistent. No one calls or checks in because they’re in the hands of a therapist now. Slowly but surely the church pushes them away because they’re not equipped to deal with mental illness.
But let’s pause and ask ourselves a question.
Is the church equipped to deal with cancer? No. No one is going to call their pastor to ask them what chemo they should receive or how often. But the church is there for people dealing with cancer.
Is the church equipped to deal with divorce? No. No one is going to call their music minister up to defend them in court rather than a lawyer. But the church is there for people dealing with divorce.
Is the church equipped to deal with pregnancy? No. No one is going to ask their children’s pastor to check to see how far they are dilated or effaced or to give thoughts on best positions for labor. But the church is there to celebrate pregnancies.
Is the church equipped to deal with a broken leg? No. No one is going to hobble into the Sunday service and ask the deacons to put a cast on their leg. But the church is there for people dealing with broken bones.
The church is not equipped to be the doctor, lawyer, accountant, psychiatrist, financial advisor (or insert any other specialty here) for any person. The truth is that the church is not equipped or called to take those places in people’s lives and no one would even want that. Yet when the line towards being uncomfortable or walking with someone through torture and suffering comes closer, the excuse is “the church is not equipped to deal with mental illness.”
The church is equipped and called to care and love. The church cares for those struggling with cancer by arranging for help with basic needs and support. The church loves on those dealing with grief by giving them an open ear to talk with who won’t judge their anger or depth of their sadness. The church celebrates pregnancies while understanding the fragility of them and that sometimes things won’t go as planned or hoped. The church supports those going through divorce by giving them other people that have already walked that road and are there to be a sounding board. The church supports those who come forward and say, “I’ve been abusive to my spouse but want to change,” or those who say, “I’ve been abusive to my kids but want to change” by giving them people to walk with them that encourage them and disciple them.
But then the church looks at those suffering from the weight of someone else’s actions, those dealing with Complex Trauma, PTSD, or even depression and anxiety and says, “The church is not equipped to deal with mental illness.”
The church is not equipped to deal with mental illness.