If you do an internet search for “healing CPTSD (or trauma) with Christianity,” you’re going to find articles with Bible verse after Bible verse that all spout hope and strength during trials. Those are great verses. The Bible holds truth and hope in the darkest times. BUT… one of the side effects of Complex Trauma is loss of faith. This means that someone going through healing from Complex Trauma such as sexual abuse or child abuse may not believe those scriptures. That does not make them unbelievers or sinful; it means that they are very hurt human beings who deserve compassion and love. More than ever, they need people supporting them to give them a ton of grace while being the hands and feet of Christ here on earth.
So why do trauma survivors struggle with faith?
If you’re a pastor or a church member reading this, you may think that being the hands and feet of Christ will be easywhen ministering to someone going through a journey of healing Complex Trauma. Let’s take a minute and put up the casserole dishes and the prayer cards. Walking into battle with someone going through this will be extremely hard. During my journey, many people, including pastors, their wives, and my friends, all walked away from me because it was too hard for them. If you want to wage this war with someone, you must walk into hell prepared to stay awhile.
First, let’s look at why someone dealing with trauma might lose or struggle with their faith.
Complex Trauma usually occurs in childhood. There might be some instances where it forms in adulthood, such as long-running domestic violence. Still, one thing is similar in all cases: it happens over a long time and is interpersonal. The length of time and the way it violates bodies dramatically impacts how the survivors think and feel. This is one of the main differences between PTSD and CPTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) brings terror, panic and nightmares. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder also has terror, panic, and nightmares, but on top of all of that, at the core, survivors have extreme shame and low to no self-worth.
Chances are that the person you know who is starting to walk through trauma recovery has had a stable and great life for years. They could have been an active leader in your church, raised kids, and worked a successful job, but now, out of the blue, they are a shell of the person they used to be and struggling to function. How can someone go from a successful, strong Christian to struggling with their faith in this manner? The answer is simple. They survived. To escape from child abuse, most children live an alternate life during the day. They learn how to smile when they are hurting, and they learn how to laugh when they want to scream because it keeps them safe. Adults in domestic violence situations live in the same way. They know how to cope to survive. Part of that coping includes living a life in which no one will ever suspect the hurt and pain that is in their life on a daily basis.
Someone walking through Complex Trauma recovery might have been a strong Christian at one time, but then they wake up one day, and their body can no longer keep their secrets, and mentally, they fall apart. Recovery is a challenging process in which layer after layer of hurt and pain that has been repressed for years or decades have to be revealed and faced. During this time, the strongest believer will question their faith due to what they are experiencing and dealing with to heal.
For instance, when dealing with vivid memories of sexual abuse, a common phrase that people use when trying to help someone is, “God was with you when that happened. He loves you.” But no one knows the horror that the survivor sees in their memory. They hear that God was with them when that happened, and He didn’t stop it.
Remember that survivors have little to no self-worth. Therefore, when they realize that God was with them when they were sexually abused night after night by someone they loved, they might conclude that God didn’t stop it because they’re not worth it being stopped or that God didn’t stop it because they are worthless and deserved it.
If you are a survivor reading this who is struggling with the same thoughts, I have been there. You are Worthy. You are worthy. Keep Reading.
When a survivor is told that God is fighting for them, it’s easy for them to question why He didn’t fight for them when they were being hurt.
When a survivor is told that they need to cling to hope and practice gratitude, it’s easy for them to feel like they’re horrible Christians for not being able to be thankful when they are suffering in ways that few will ever be able to imagine.
The worthlessness and shame on top of the things that plague them as part of CPTSD, such as nightmares, always being on edge, panic, not being able to be in public or involved in groups, insomnia, and so much more, make them feel unworthy and deserted by God.
And it never fails that well-meaning people will approach them and tell them that they’re praying for them and never talk to them again, or a pastor will say from the pulpit that the church is there for those that are hurting and then ignore the survivor who is fighting for every single breath.
As the person suffers, they will question why God has brought them to that place, and eventually, they might question if there is a God. Trauma is suffering. When suffering is met by silence or indifference, it becomes unimaginable, and God is blamed because His people did nothing.
So, how do we help a trauma survivor struggling with their faith?
We listen.
We wait.
We withhold judgment.
We don’t try to solve their problems.
We serve them.
We love them.
and then we wait some more.
Love and safety are keys to healing trauma. They’re also keys to faith with Christ. Be that to them, and leave the rest to God.